How can I count the ways motherhood has changed me? I don’t think I can. When I started this journey, when I first became pregnant with my first sweet baby, I would put my hands on my abdomen and think of all the ways that my life would bloom into something new and different. At the time, all the thoughts I had were happy ones; you don’t anticipate the hardships of pregnancy, birth, and motherhood at the beginning, and you certainly don’t ask yourself about the growth that requires pruning, patience, and tough self-care. When I was newly pregnant with my daughter, Briar, it was almost like I carried a little light at my navel, like wherever I went the joy would shine out from me.
For me, motherhood has been about uncovering, shaping, and seeding that joy constantly. Like for any gardener, it’s not always easy to tend the garden. There are bouts of blight: self-doubt; there are the twin weeds of anxiety and impatience; occasionally there are the ugly pests of anger and resentment. If motherhood is a garden, it’s a garden that requires constant vigilance and attentiveness. However, there is no wrong way to mother (other than that of negligence) and I’ve found that even in the hardest times, the garden has bloomed despite of these things, and indeed even because of these things. Strong plants and strong hands survive through tough conditions. Have I pushed this gardening analogy far enough? I think you gather my point, dear reader!
After all that, an introduction is in order: My name is Taylor, and I’m studying to qualify for a PhD in New York City. My life centers in Fairfield County, CT, where I grew up with a loving and doting family. My parents still live here, as do my maternal grandparents. My husband and I met in college as teenagers, when we got engaged, were married before I graduated, and started life together. We have grown together as two trees sometimes do. My family is the heart of my life. I am quietly Roman Catholic; I try to practice but the baby gets the best of my Sundays sometimes, and when that happens, I try to live my prayer. I’m not a perfect mother, wife, or friend, but I try to be better every day. This blog, I hope, is the start of a journey and another story on my life’s path. I hope you’ll join me.
Photo by Lindsay Madden Photography.